Brian titled this song “I Love My Bed.” He has no memory of creating this song or what it was about his bed that apparently had him feeling so affectionate towards it that he would decide to name a song after it. Brian created this “song” (Is it really a song or just a short repeating melody?) in November 2018. There are no lyrics to this music, no singing, no vocals whatsoever. This may not make sense, but Brian tends to this of this recording as “music” whereas he thinks of lyrical recordings as “songs.” He is no expert and doesn’t even know why he thinks that way. It probably has something to do with his fear of sharing music and the way he hides behind his “hobbyist” approach of creating music. Brian creates music for his own enjoyment and as a way to release and examine some of his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. He feels that he never finishes any of his songs. There seems to always be something left to change or fix or finish. That idea is part of what keeps him from sharing his music. This blog is partly an exercise in sharing. Brian is forcing himself to share recordings, most of which he has not shared with anyone, not even his wife or kids. He is feeling quite vulnerable by doing so, and he is doing it anyway. As he has learned through DBT, he is practicing “opposite action” to fear. It’s the “doing it despite the fear” that he wants to make a habit. He feels the need to share what he has created and he feels the need to do so despite his fear.
Read or listen to Brian Jost’s memoir: “Grounded by Bipolar Disorder; One Pilot’s Landing” (available in print, e-book/kindle, and audiobook). Click HERE to find the book on Amazon and Audible.