Here it is again, another part of the “Skeletons” puzzle (see/hear also song posts #5, #9, #11, #15, and #21 with different versions of the song). This recording is from near the beginning of Brian trying to make sense of how it should sound. He continues to hear the song in his head with a variety of tempos and chord progressions, although most version of the song have been based on the D and A-chords. In this rough recording, Brian used two mics with one of them running through a vocoder to help hide his own voice a bit because he has zero confidence in his ability to sing and he doesn’t feel good about sharing his music, especially on a publicly available platform such as this blog. After Brian publishes a song here, he finds himself thinking “What the fuck did I just do?!” He knows that anyone who listens to his music will be reassured that he is crazy and delusional. Brian fears that nobody will understand that he is able to finish any of his songs and record them properly and create something beautiful. He seems to never have enough time to finish any of his musical projects. It’s mostly just quick and rough recordings with little of no editing. He feels like an imposter, a fraud, as he sits on his throne of lies (he took that “throne of lies” comment from the movie “Elf” – Brian’s kids love that line).
Brian wishes he had more time to write for his blog. There is so much on his mind that he wants to share, mostly about mental health and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
Read or listen to Brian Jost’s memoir: “Grounded by Bipolar Disorder; One Pilot’s Landing” (available in print, e-book/kindle, and audiobook). Click HERE to find the book on Amazon and Audible.