Despite urges to give up, I performed two songs last night. DBT skills got me through this. My friend Al Levin was supportive as well, and I feel that DBT skills allowed me to let Al be supportive. Al is a life coach and mental health advocate who produces and hosts “The Depression Files” podcast. He is also an assistant principal in a public elementary school. Learn more about Al and his podcast at TheDepressionFiles.com.
I used the DBT “Cope Ahead” skill within the few days prior to the open mic. There is so much I want to say about completing my first open mic. I think for a lot of people, this would not be a big deal. For me, this was the most difficult thing I have ever done. At an early stage in my life, it may have been much easier, but my self-esteem and confidence has declined to new lows over the last decade.
About three hours before the open mic started, I began to feel nauseous. I started exercising, first on my rowing machine in the basement. Moving my whole body helped. Then I did some weight training exercises which continued to help. Time seemed to slow down the closer it got to the open mic.
I am struggling to organize my thoughts for this post.
I made a mistake. I drank too much hard cider after I played my two songs.
I would like share more about my experience of performing at my first open mic. There seems to never be enough time for me to feel relaxed about spending time working on this blog, or working on my music, or working on my screenplays. I continue to notice the dialectic of experiencing the feeling of productivity and laziness at the same time when I work on my creative projects.
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Read or listen to Brian Jost’s memoir: “Grounded by Bipolar Disorder; One Pilot’s Landing” (available in print, e-book/kindle, and audiobook). Click HERE to find the book on Amazon and Audible.